#3 - 2am Thoughts
Sunday 29th of June, 2025
Category: life
You know what? You can love someone so much and still maintain no contact with them. Not that that was ultimately my choice but my point still stands. I was cut off by my family almost five years ago and I still have dreams about them, about us doing things and acting like a normal family, quite regularly too.
I’m like a pea that rolled away and ended up wrinkled up and dried out under the fridge.
I feel as though I’m not part of a family. I have extended family that I speak to via messaging and visit every now and then, but I’m not in the mix. I’m not part of any group chat. I hear about news months or years after the fact.
I’ve thought this about myself for years and it never seems to be less true as time goes on: I’m an anomaly. Am I actually supposed to be here? I know people say this all the time but I honestly don’t know what I would do without my partner. I don’t know if I have the chutzpah to grab life by the balls and take myself from zero to hero.
I’m being dramatic, I know. But what’s life without a little panache in misery.